HALLOWEEN 2019 RUNS UNTIL DECEMBER THIRTEEN : A DOWNING STREET ‘SOURCE’ has given LCD Views the heads up on the initial strategy for the Conservative Party as the GE 2019 campaign gets underway.
“Halloween is a great time to get hardworking Easilyfooled Man at home,” the source revealed, “so we’re not going to miss the opportunity to hammer our target voter into a stupor in their own homes.”
But it won’t all be just boring old policies about flogging off the NHS that Tory MPs offer on the doorstep tonight.
“Tradition says we offer trick or treat on the doorstep,” the source doubled over laughing for a while, a cackle that rattled through its teeth, “but of course that’s for suckers. We’ve ordered all our MPs to offer trick or trick.”
The tricks themselves are surprising.
“We’ll be giving away, rather than just taking when we call,” the source continued, “all Tory MPs will be carrying brussel sprouts dipped in not chocolate, but carob. But that’s for the grown ups. For their kids we will just be dishing out refined Tate & Lyle sugar by the kilo. That should make for a lively evening at home! Ha!”
But what if people don’t want to engage with the MPs when they call?
“That’s unlikely. We’ll have the scariest costumes of all.”
Oh, what will your MPs be dressed up as?
“Caring Conservatives. Hug a hoodie Conservatives. Ed Milliband eating a bacon sandwich. There’s plenty of options. But mostly we’re ordering our MPs to just go as themselves with an NHS badge on their lapel.”