POLE DANCER : Downing Street have hit back today at the criticism over its decision to melt down the commemorative Brexit 50p coins.
“We don’t just waste the public’s hard earned money in the pursuit of our plainly delusional, ideological aims servicing global money launderers,” a Downing Street ‘source’ said, “American ‘think tanks’, Russian oligarchs and so forth have not brainwashed a small coterie if frankly ridiculous Brexit politicians, on the left and the right, into believing somehow we’re God like and infallible, just to remove the UK from the world’s statecraft chessboard and asset strip Britannia.”
Well, that’s cleared that up.
“We just like making coins. Many sides coins.” the source continued, “but if a date on a coin is wrong, then that’s it for the coin. Accuracy is our watchword! Strong and stable governance. Sensible economic management. And jingoistic bullshit that everyone warned us would blow up in our faces. Who knew you can’t run a country merely on empty symbolism and bullying? Really, who knew?!”
So this explains why the commemorative Brexit 50p coins, primed for October 31st, have to be melted down?
“It’s a no brainier. Do you see coins from the early to middle 20th century still in circulation? Coins from the Victorian, the Georgian, the Stuart? No. Of course you don’t. The dates are all wrong. I would implore anyone that has any coins from earlier times to hand them in for melting down too. The dates are now wrong.
“And besides, the statue of Boris Johnson that is going to knock Nelson off his column in Trafalgar Square is going to need a lot of coins. Maybe even more than the millions of commemorative 50p’s we intend to melt down now that empty bit of jingoistic nonsense has blown up in our faces.”
Excuse me?
“Put Boris on a pole and let him dance to celebrate his delivery of Brexit.”