TILLING FOR ENGLAND : Downing Street has hit back at claims they intend to lower employment standards, post Brexit, even though the claims are based on their own documents.
“We simply will not lower them for workers as they’re categorised now,” a Home Office spokesgargoyle gargoyled, “we will reclassify everyone who doesn’t work the Fx markets as a serf. From that point traditional working standards for serfs will he maintained.”
The revelation of what the Brexit government will do, once it has delivered on the will of the tax havens, is timely and has been well received by medieval re-enactment fans.
“Just think, if you like pretending you’re a brawny field hand who has been drafted into the infantry for the Battle of Bosworth, well, based on what can reasonably be expected to happen in new feudal England, post Brexit, then you can be for real! For the second Battle of Bosworth which will be fought between remainers and leavers over the last toilet roll of the north.”
So too buxom wench revivalists.
“Even now Boris Johnson is drawing up plans to father more bastards than his idol of governance Henry VIII. He’s already got most of it nailed down. He just needs the unchecked sovereign powers. A daft Parliament passing the WAB will give that to him. Then wahey tavern wenches! Here’s your World King come to sire you a child he has no intention of recognising.”
But exactly what will be the tangible benefits for serfs? Post Brexit, as England is redrawn to fit the vivid imaginings of libertarian economists and their misunderstanding of Darwinism and how it applies to a globalised world, and governance?
“Well, you’ll have your own field to till for pottage one afternoon a week. Of course any crops you produce will need to be given to your lord in rent. But you’ll get the satisfaction of the hard work. Working weeks will be seven days, thus ensuring full employment. But you’ll get one day a year off for feast day.”
What will the feast day be?
“The Festival of Brexit.”