Foreign Secretary Sajid Javid, who reportedly only got the job because he’s Foreign himself, was wheeled out to make the announcement.
“This is not an empty gesture,” he said convincingly. Possibly even convincing himself. “People will want to recognise the momentous occasion on which parliament asserted its sovereignty, even if it does mean that the WAB will be torn to shreds and we will be back where we were just after the referendum. It is symbolic of the hope the British people have for another period of intense uncertainty and decline. I’m from The North, you know.”
Javid was unable to confirm that the coins would be issued in time for Christmas. “They are the perfect stocking filler for the political obsessive and the true patriot in your life,” he said. “The Royal Mint has outsourced production of the coins to France, and it is anybody’s guess whether the extensive, and not remotely burdensome, paperwork will be completed in time.”
Dominic “Short” Cummings is believed to be the mastermind behind this stroke of genius. Commemorative coins are usually issued to mark a momentous event. This time it proudly proclaims the government’s failure to get it done.
“This brand new, and very special coin, displays pride and confidence in the Brexit process,” claimed a Downing Street source. “Brexit must be paused while we find new ways to blame Corbyn and the EU for not supporting the PM whatever he says.”
Sounds fair enough to us.
The Brexit Extension 50p coin, in a fancy presentation pack, will retail for the bargain price of £14.99, or €0.50. It is expected to have a street value of 13p.