NO GOVERNMENT IS BETTER THAN A BAD GOVERNMENT : In a shock to many, British prime minister (in name only) Boris Johnson has said something suggestive of a belief he’s currently running a functioning administration.
“He said he’s going to hold his breath until he faints if MPs don’t give him a general election,” a source closely associated with politics said, “oh, and that his government will go on strike if they can’t have an erection, or something like that. I mean, the entire gang are hard ons, but this is a bit rich. It’s not like they do anything at the moment as it is. It’s a government of sloganeering and blame shifting, there’s no governance to speak of.”
But the threat of strike action by the Tory government will be welcomed by many, especially those negatively impacted by its actions as a government.
“It’s a dream come true for millions of people,” the insider continues, “although, now she’s got her hands on the levers of power I wouldn’t expect Priti Patel to strike. She’ll break the picket line, smirking as she does so.”
Quite what Mr Johnson expects the threat of withholding breathing, till he faints, will achieve isn’t clear. It’s also rumoured he’s threatened additionally to scream and scream and scream and if that doesn’t work, break something.
“Spoiled brats don’t tend to reason things out,” the insider commented, “he thinks everyone is as wrapped up in him as he is himself. He’s wrong. Go on. Turn blue and fall over. You’ve a one month TV and sweet ban coming up regardless of what you do now. Benn and Letwin are drafting the law for it already. Public tantrums like this can’t be tolerated. There must be consequences for poor behaviour or Boris is likely to grow into a self-absorbed, entitled brat who ruins a country.”
But some commentators have said that there’s another reason for the latest public tantrum.
“Remember when Boris Johnson got all puffed up and boasted that if he didn’t ruin the UK’s economy in the service of disaster capitalists by October 31st he’d die in a ditch? It was at that campaign speech where the policewoman collapsed and he just carried on regardless.”
Yes.
“Well he hasn’t, or he won’t, he’s screwed up his big boast. This threat to faint is just a desperate attempt to distract people so they don’t keep talking about how his do or die Brexit promise was just another load of hot air and horseshit.”