THE ART OF THE BACK OF FAG PACKETS : Natural Born Liar Boris Johnson has announced by tweet this morning that he’s creating a new Secretary of State. Just. Like. That.
The new Minister will be responsible for the pissing of public money up the wall and is expected to rapidly be one of the country’s busiest.
But critics of the move have hit out, claiming that with the establishment of DExEU, under Johnson’s predecessor, the ministry already exists.
“This is just duplication of the work we already do at DExEU,” an aide to DExEU Secretary Stephen Barclay (you know him, he has a pulse, so he got the job after Raab cut and run to study for a Geography masters) told LCD Views, “which now I think about it, is perfectly Brexit.”
But other departments are also concerned.
Transport was effective at wasting hundreds of millions under Grayling. And with the announcement of new ferry contracts in event of a No Deal Brexit, is still wasting millions now.
Justice has done exceptionally well by attempting to privatise the prison service, botched outsourcing of forensics and shredding of legal aid, causing a bleed of cash in other areas as a result. It’s not really clear why the Ministry for Pissing Public Money Up The Wall need exist at all.
“It’s to exemplify Johnson’s premiership,” a Downing Street ‘source’ clarified, “and to distract the people who write reams of nonsense in newspapers. Nothing will better encapsulate Johnson’s time in office than a mass haemorrhage in the public finances.
“Whether or not he gets any Brexit. Just look at the ‘Get Ready for Brexit’ state sponsored, party political broadcast campaign? How many nurses could that have paid for? It was excellent.”
It seems the creation of the ministry also signals that the age of austerity is definitely over. The primary aim of the department will be to borrow massively from the future to pissing away everything we have today. This is necessary as the Brexiters have already largely pissed away any historical legacy, be it domestic or international.
“You can’t get more Brexit than that,” the source added, “blowing your future to piss away your today. Get Ready.”