POST BREXIT REALITIES : The Department of Education is receiving serious incoming fire today after it announced new measures to help prepare future generations for Brexit.
The sweeping changes, described by that guy who tries to scare bigger boys with spiders (he’s now in charge of your children’s education) as “fun and mental” will clarify what is required to make a success of post Brexit realities, by reassuringly simplifying English grammar.
Key to this is the banning of commas from November 1st. While this may cause some confusion in written texts, it will make managing food supplies simpler.
“As we approach Christmas there will be some disruption to the UK’s food supplies. But nothing that wasn’t fully explained by a Boris Bus in the 2016 referendum. It’s possible also that stockpiled tins of ham will have been repurposed as munitions for artillery militias, as the county wars begin. Thus people will have to seek different sources of protein, but these will be close to hand. Unless your family is not a patriotic, close knit one.”
An example of the clarification to grammar will be sentences pertaining to evening meals.
“Having someone over for dinner is going to change,” a Department of Education spokesman explained, “previously you would have expected to feed them. Now you’ll be expected to bludgeon them to unconsciousness with a Brexit dividend and cook them. It’s pretty straightforward stuff. We suggest you work through a list of people you socialise with occasionally, but you’re not too emotionally attached to. Before moving on to Grandma.”
But critics of the sensible and timely preparations have rounded on the government.
It appears that information leaflets readied for distribution to schools, and further education outlets, have an embarrassing grammatical error in them. Although it must be noted they are printed on edible pulp, so the grammatical errors are expected to reduce rapidly during November.
“I think people are not really focusing on what’s important,” the source responded, “you’ll need to decide if you’re having brown or red sauce with dinner, not weather or knot their’s grammetical errors, in. government Literature. Phocus on whats important hear. Or you may find yourself as the worm and not the early bird.”