HANDS THROWN UP : The EU have moved today to get Brexit done, or gone, depending on what’s agreed.
Sources inside the Brussel’s unelected, but somehow elected, parliament say the EU have finally given up expecting the English nationalists to negotiate in good faith and have appointed a Brexit negotiator on behalf of 10 Downing Street.
The negotiator is believed to be Michel Barnier’s twin brother, Michael, said to be a seasoned international deal maker and almost identical to Michel. The anglicised name will make it easy to tell who is who for observers as the negotiations resume.
“Johnson made this inevitable,” a source close to both Barniers told LCD Views, “by withdrawing the UK’s commissioners from the council and forcing the EU to appoint Finland, with power of attorney for UK decisions, it was only a matter of time till the EU became fed up with the unending stream of fudge, double fudge, doublespeak, doublefudgedoublespeak and dishonesty regurgitated by Downing Street. Michael and Michel have been negotiating their entire lives, often with each other, they’ll get Brexit done. Or gone, it depends on what they agree.”
But while the appointment will clearly save Boris Johnson and his cabinet time and money, some are not entirely pleased by what they see as over reach on the EU’s part.
“This imperils the Brexit project by raising the prospect of something actually being decided,” a forlorn Downing Street source commented, “Brexit is powered by lies, on this side of the channel, if the negotiations start happening in good faith it may actually end. Where will Boris be then? It’s a disaster. He’ll have nothing left to campaign on but his record in government and reputation as a family man.”
David Davis is said to also be deeply unimpressed, having done so much of the early groundwork to make Brexit a success. Similarly Dominic Raab. No one has checked what Stephen Barclay thinks of the development, as he was only appointed because a pulse was detected.
The EU’s decision has raised the hopes of people wishing to stop Brexit altogether though.
“The EU isn’t completely batshit crazy, unlike the UK government, they may just decide to stop Brexit altogether, or grant an extension of article 50 until the next GE, due in 2022. It’s hard to know what they’ll do. They’re notorious for deciding everything on a make it up as you go along policy and lumping for anything at all last minute. Totally the reverse of the current British government. Anything is possible now.”
More on this story as it develops.