TURN THE PAGE ON BREXIT : The EU has reacted with trademark patience today after revealing that the latest Brexit offer from the British (temporary) government is just an old Playboy magazine, with some official paper stuck to the front to disguise it.
“We suspect it maybe from Mr Johnson’s personal archives,” a weary Michel Barnier told a press briefing, “there is a strip of masking tape stuck inside the cover with a scribble that looks like ‘Property of Alexander. Touch it and die.”. Although we can’t be sure, as the editors of the Telegraph can tell you any day of the week, with their front cover, we Europeans can’t read English well.”
But critics have been quick to point out that the EU’s apparent readiness to discard an old porn mag as non-serious suggests they haven’t checked out the centrefold. Nor do they give due respect to the fact that this is Mr Johnson operating at the top of his game. To expect anything more serious is to be unrealistic. Thus it’s the EU’s fault for endangering the peace in Northern Ireland and not the toxic nationalism seizing some English.
“I have it on good authority too it’s a British edition of Playboy from June 1976. That’s the one with the centrefold who looks like Margaret Thatcher, if you squint. A collectors item amongst proper Tories,” our ’I only read it for the articles’ specialist says,
“I’m sure the quoted remarks down the side will contain Mr Johnson’s Brexit offer in earnest. And almost certainly both a recipe for cake and world peace. The EU should give the entire document the study it deserves.”
Whether or not Mr Johnson’s do or die offer to the EU will be treated like the load of old spank it clearly is will be known very soon.
In the meantime we’d suggest the opposition parties stop spaffing their chance to bring Johnson down against the wall and get on with it.