WE WILL BE HIGHLY AMUSED : Television networks are never known to be slouches when it comes to capturing live entertainment in the world of politics. For years now we’ve been treated to the sight of reporters pointlessly standing outside buildings in the rain, relaying hearsay of what is going on inside. Sometimes even at taxpayer’s expense.
“And you can be reassured that when the Queen dismisses that big old fraud Boris Johnson it will be wall to wall networks right outside,” A BBC executive told LCD Views exclusively today,
“and if we win the bidding war we’ll even have Laura loitering outside the door of the room in the palace it’s happening in. Glass to door. Ear to base of glass. Every last wiffle and piffle and waffle and bellowed refusal to stand down captured and relayed breathlessly through her tears. Or maybe through Witchell’s tears? As he’ll presumably think this one is his.”
But it could be even better than that. It’s rumoured that even now the Queen is donning her battle armour and proceeding south from Balmoral to dismiss the rogue prime minister.
“We are urging her to do it when Mr Johnson is giving his leader’s stream of consciousness at the Conservative Party Conference this Wednesday,” the executive advises, “just stride right on stage and hand him his P45 on the point of a claymore. That’ll wake the audience of the living dead up.”
Of course it’s just as possible that Mr Johnson maybe at home in 10 Downing Street with the younger woman he left his wife (while said wife was undergoing chemotherapy) for and the Queen will need someone to batter down the door.
“We can film it from the cameras on the helmets of a SWAT team. That would be even more exciting,” the executive oozed, “the Queen stood outside the door to 10 Downing Street, shield raised, sword with P45 impaled at the ready. Half a dozen black clothed special forces officers before her. Someone applies a small measure of plastic explosive to the door. Carrie’s face peaking out from the curtains. Cut to Boris Johnson inside desperately shredding papers in a back room. Bellowed commands. The charge on the door explodes and in they go!”
Live streamed dismissal of crap PM Boris Johnson? It would make his greatest loss yet a ratings first! And we’ll all be watching and waiting.