THERE IS A TIME TO SOW AND A TIME TO REAP : We’ve all got them. Those leg bones connected to those thigh bones. Those thigh bones connected to those hip bones. Those hip bones connected to those back bones. Why should Boris Johnson be any different?
“Because he’s the prime minister and his every public utterance impacts on the economy and standing of the country?” a Downing Street source supplied the answer, “but don’t tell anyone I said that. And let’s not consider the fresh skeletons he’s presumably jamming in his closet with every private deal struck behind closed doors.”
But it is the skeletons in Boris Johnson’s closet that became the focus after a late night emergency in 10 Downing Street.
“There was quite the raucous,” the source supplied some more, “initially we all thought it must be a technological problem focused on a laptop, but then we saw all these ghoulish skeletons dancing out of the private parts of the residence and down the hall to the PM’s office.”
That must have been scary. What did they do when they got there?
“Mostly just took up positions around the desk and stared at it,” the source said, “the Acuri scandal. The alleged short selling scandal. The garden bridge scandal. The beat up a journalist scandal. Clearly we have names for some of the spectres. And there’s a fair few that haven’t been named yet which went for a walk last night.”
What did you all do?
“We called the Ghostbusters. They arrived promptly enough, but declared there wasn’t a public service in forcing all those skeletons back into the closet.”
Did you call the male or female ghostbusters?
“Which will wind up the gammon more?”
The ladies of course.
“That’s the team we called. But apart from suggesting the skeletons go back to playing sardines in Mr Johnson’s closet, I can’t think what we’ll do?”
Hope to win a landslide GE so you have enough MPs so none of it matters?
“Ha! In our dreams.”
And in our nightmares.
“We’re just going to have to watch them dance now, in public, and hope we can survive it.”
Good luck. It’s a graveyard’s worth of bones.
“Yes, but let me correct you on one thing. Not everyone has a back bone connected to their hip bone. Not everyone has a back bone. Just look at the Tory MPs still sitting alongside Mr Johnson.”
Dem bones, dem bones, gonna walk around…now hear the words of the law…