BLONDES AWAY : Liz Truss was under no pressure at all to explain the sale today, without licence, of temporary prime minister Boris Johnson to Saudi Arabia.
According to sources within the Department for International Trade the mix-up happened in the way numerous ones regarding the sale of dangerous items have under the current Secretary for International Trade.
“Some gruff chap from the Gulf phoned up and asked for a weapon,” a source working close to the hapless Truss reveals, “and when he said make it the biggest weapon your country has, Ms Truss automatically believed the unarmed Sheik meant the Prime Minister. This was confirmed when he said, I want something to destroy a county, just level it, I want a Bullingdon Brat.”
It’s not clear exactly how much the gulf state paid for Mr Johnson, but it’s presumably thought worth the cost.
“Mr Johnson used to be just a weapon of mass distraction, but these days he’s been redeveloped into weapon of mass destruction. Just look at the rapid decent into chaos and danger under his brief tenure in 10 Downing Street. The Saudis will be very happy once they deploy him. Just so long as they read the instruction manual and don’t let him speak before they drop him on Yemen.”
Critics have pointed out though that the sale of Mr Johnson, already believed to have been bought and sold by numerous interests, allows him to wriggle out of his commitment to take the UK out of the EU by the 31st of October.
“No one is really bothered about that, not if they’ve been paying attention. Now we can get on with a GNU and picking up the pieces of our representative democracy while there are still pieces to pick up.”
The Palace was asked for comment on the sale of Mr Johnson, but a source would only say it was the Royal family themselves who suggested the export of the Bullingdon Brat in the first place.