THERE IS SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON : Chris Grayling is reported back in cabinet today with the announcement the government is to spend £100m on submersible posters so British fish know what to expect.
“It was his brainchild,” a cabinet spokesman said, “at least that’s what I was told. Which was nice, since Short Cummings assumed total dominion over the United Kingdom, I’m used to being told nothing. Mostly it’s just threats of physical violence, getting flecked by spit and having my phone smashed. We never used to have our phones smashed under May.”
But while the decision to spaff money into the sea will reassure the general public that patriotic fish will also be cared for as a new world smashes open across our faces like rotten eggs, some have queried the timing.
“It’s a dead cat to distract from the Supreme Court decision about how much Boris and Jacob lied to the Queen,” a stern government critic weighed in, “this is needless expense. We all know DExEU trained dolphins to spread the word about No Deal Brexit back in David Davis’ time.”
At least the critics aren’t concerned that all these endless money tree billions should have been spent on teachers, doctors, nurses, coppers, firefighters, and community groups to help create an atmosphere conducive to less young offending.
Let’s spend it on posters to throw in the sea instead. Very Brexit.
Are you ready for Brexit? You don’t need to be. And how could you be? No one knows what it’ll be. But don’t let that stop you being ready all the same. The street parties, when it’s finally dead and buried, will be frenetic, and you’ll need to be well supplied.