SETTING A SUPREME PRECEDENT : Only the judges can save us now, it seems. And not Judge Dredd, not Judge Rinder, not Judge Tinder and not Judge Judy, but Lady Hale and her league of eleven.
“With political extremism on the rise across the UK’s political landscape action must be taken to ensure people’s food supplies and medicines remain at risk,” a Downing Street ‘source’ told LCD Views, “it’s just as well the BBC have weighed in and attempted to associate the centre ground parties as extreme. Think of all the short positions taken on Sterling? People want to spend Sunday shooting wildlife, not hedging their bets!”
And the discovery that the centre ground still exists, with open plains to the left and right of it for people to camp on, is one of the greater shocks.
“The Conservative government, together with the stubborn fenceposts opposite, have done their best to convince everyone the centre was carparked in 2016, there’s no political gain by being sane, chase the kippers and forget the rest! But it’s there, the centre, and getting worryingly extreme.”
So extreme it appears to be sucking in the disaffected from left and right who just can’t stand being bullied in the night anymore. Where’s the stiff upper lip?!
“If too many more MPs join the bloody Libs, if Swinson and Sturgeon can lay off one another for half an hour, if Lucas can accept that they’re no longer the only party who cares about the environment (and that’s a success!), if Sinn Fein keep up their work opening the way for Alliance and Plaid hold firm, it’s possible the extremists could end up being key players in a GNU. It’s bloody frightening. I was looking forward to popping down the off licence and buying cut price, asbestos laden, smuggled cigarettes from November 1st!”
So we have to look to the judges.
“They have to rule that the government’s advice to the Queen was unlawful,” our ‘source’ says, “otherwise when the extremists seize the levers of power you can be bloody sure they’ll prorogue parliament again and force through No Brexit. What a nightmare scenario! We’ve been devaluing British assets hard for three years. We can’t have the country stabilising now. For the offshore crew, there’s still more UK to get.”