BARCLAY GOES BARSARKLY : Brexit Secretary Stephen Barclay has the Spanish right where he wants them after a feat of brinkmanship just right for dealing with close allies.
“At first many thought May had only appointed Barclay Brexit Secretary because a mirror fogged in front of his mouth,” an aide to the DExEU tour de force told LCD Views, “Well, they were right. But happily he’s grown into the role.”
It took time for Barclay to fill the shoes David Davis left for Dominic Raab to slide into, but it seems he now has the tips of his toes pressed against the leather.
“To go to Spain, right when the UK is desperate to win hearts and minds amongst EU leaders, and to threaten the Spanish directly? That’s some patatas bravas right there.”
The threats mostly centred on blowback to the Spanish economy if they don’t agree to scrap both the Irish and the Gilbraltargan backstops.
“If the UK crashes out of the EU it will decimate the hen and stag night industry on the Costa del Sol,” the aide continued, “not to mention the cervesa sector. But Barclay is prepared to go even further.”
And further appears to be threatening to strip to the waist and stand on The Rock and start throwing monkeys at Spain.
“Just see him now, biceps pulsating, lifting macaque after macaque and flinging them towards the Spanish mainland. The place will grind to a halt. That’s British power on show right there.”
LCD Views sought comment from a representative of the Spanish government. What was their reaction to Barclay’s aggressive shirtfront?
“No podríamos dar un mono,” a government spokesman said.
DExEU are currently looking to translate. But we’re pretty certain, once someone works out what they said, that Barclay is now operating at the level set by his predecessors as Brexit Secretary.