SEE ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE : Useful intelligence where it’s lacking today after 10 Downing Street hired a special fx expert famous for work in fantasy movies.
The rapid hire is believed to result from the way the general public hand Mr Johnson his arse whenever he goes outside and meets them.
“By use of the technique called Chroma Keying, used in movies and news casting, we can overlay more sympathetic backgrounds and better members of the public for Mr Johnson,” a Downing Street ‘source’ advised, “sunlit uplands, frolicking unicorns and adoring blonde women, falling at his feet, will be all anyone sees from now on.”
The move has been met with approval by the PR industry, who are currently mostly baffled by Mr Johnson’s faceplanting each time he goes outside.
“Thankfully digital technology is so advanced these days we can place Mr Johnson in wards of adoring patients at a fictional NHS hospital. Their hands outstretched towards Boris in the hope of being healed by touching.”
It’s thought if the technique proves successful, and resets Mr Johnson’s reputation back to as a man of the people, and not some overgrown, spoilt, posh boy hearing no for the first time in his life, then it will be utilised for the business of governance.
“We’re not really governing anyway,” the source added, “just making a bucket load of campaign videos for a general election that is not currently happening. But one day we will have to at least pretend to be governing, so then we can use blue screen and arrive at a much more acceptable degree of success in the House of Commons.”