FAHRENHEIT MARK’S REALLY DUMB : Westminster residents are sleeping easier tonight with the breaking news that TORY MP Mark ‘Fahrenheit’ Francois Ergsquire has been moved to a secure location until November.
The swift action by The Royal Logistics Corp was triggered by an appearance on television in which the seething ball of salty gammon stated that if the UK did not leave the EU on the 31st October 2019 it would explode.
Blow up.
The entire country.
Which of course reveals clauses in the treaties and agreements underpinning EU membership that until now, no one but Mark has bothered with.
“He would not just go red in the face? Slag off the Germans and sweat a lot like usual? But actually detonate? It’s alarming,” a combustibles specialist commented to LCD Views, “That statement, following the assertion the UK itself would blow up, is a little redundant though? Only cockroaches will survive an explosion on a countrywide scale. Unless. Oh. Wait about.”
Still, while praising the swift action on behalf of authorities to contain Mark, on health and safety grounds, just in case, critics have pointed out that the entire exercise is a waste of army time and resources.
“A bloke on day release with a bin bag could deal with an explosion the size of that little Penfold, surely?” a member of the public sagely asked.
LCD Views would like to wish Mark all the best and hope he is able to survive the UK not leaving the EU again. It must be very tiring to have to live in the 21st century all the time, when in your salty dreams you’re a Spitfire pilot giving the Hun what for.