Blue passports. The one and only real Brexit dividend. But which shade of blue? Leavers are upset that by the unusual choice of Norwegian blue.
“Things were better in the old days,” grumbled Brexit supporter Rose Tinted. “Blue meant blue, not some poncy European turquoise rubbish!”
But Tinted could not recognise Norwegian blue from a colour chart. “It’s bad enough that we have to be so close to Europe,” she moaned. “Now they are naming British colours. It’s not on. Who invented colours, that’s what I would like to know.”
In fact, the only definite thing that Tinted said was that she didn’t like any of the blues on offer. Not even Deacon Blue, Lionel Blue or See-Through Baby Blue.
Polly Chromatic, junior Home Office minister with special responsibility for the Colour of Things, gave her official response. “Norwegian blue is a very evocative colour,” she explained. “It creates a sense of pining for the fjords, that wanderlust, making it a highly suitable shade for a passport. Even though the passport will be redundant before it is issued, it is a symbol of the British refusal to give up. It has been metaphorically nailed to its perch.”
The new passports, made in the EU because it’s cheaper than buying British, will be shipped to the UK as soon as some kind of trading agreement is, well, agreed. In the event of a no deal Brexit, ports will close and the passports will be stranded in France, and no amount of blue pigment will change matters.
“But that’s ok,” said Chromatic. “Because nobody who owns one will actually want to use it. The Norwegian blue passport is a trophy, a demonstration that we have got one over on the EU. To loyal brexiters they are simply too valuable to use. Like the Brexit 50p’s. Mind you, they will be two a penny!”
One thing is certain, though. It is a dead passport. It has Ceased to Be.