THE RIGHT FLAG AT THE PROMS : The BBC has issued new guidelines for acceptable crowd behaviour at its most famous annual event, the Last Night at the Proms.
“Ever since the people of England overwhelmingly voted for Brexit in a free, fair and completely uncorrupted, binding opinion poll,” the BBC Parochial Correctness Gone Mad Attaché told LCD Views, “culturally corrupted individuals have been attempting to ruin the purity of the Proms. This will stop after Brexit, thanks to new powers we will possess after legislation covering human rights and free speech has been corrected.”
In particular the new guidelines will focus on flags and the waving of flags.
“Too many people have been seen to sow dissent during our entirely British musical experience by waving flags of the enemy power across the channel. We will be putting a stop to this.”
Initially the thinking was to only allow people to enter Albert Hall for the last night in the nude, but that was put on the back burner in case people attempted to enter with the wrong flag planted in their bums.
“We simplified the vetting criteria by deciding only people with Saint George flags tattooed on their faces can now come along. This way we will know everyone is a patriot and no one is hiding an EU flag.”
The music will also be much safer.
“Only Land of Hope and Glory will now be played, repeatedly, with a little God Save The Queen thrown in, so long as she agrees to continually prorogue parliament.”
What about Rule Britannia?
“Good suggestion. So only Land of Hope and Glory, God Save The Queen and Rule Britannia. And now foreign flags in bottoms.”
Last Night at the Proms. After Brexit, we’re going to make a success of it, and do it as patriots.