WHY DO THEY EVEN NEED A HAMMER OF ANY COLOUR : The government (using that term loosely) of the United Kingdom has given out another of the missing pages from its No Deal Brexit plan.
“It’s actually a map,” our Disasters Without Relief correspondent advises, “a before and after No Deal of the United Kingdom. Although to be exact, there is no United Kingdom in the after.”
What there is for the after is England with Wales. Scotland and Northern Ireland redacted.
“Those nations will still exist, just they’ll be invisible to Westminster,” our correspondent continues, “which actually is already the situation under these disaster capitalist Tories. So in many ways, it’s a map of continuity.”
But critics of the Yellowhammer document say the map isn’t detailed enough.
“Some commentators are complaining that Cornwall hasn’t been redacted. And neither has Yorkshire, Devon, Somerset, well, everywhere but Nigel Farage’s stronghold of Kent.”
So you’re saying the United Kingdom, in the event of No Deal, will just be Kent?
“And probably not all of that. Although you can expect some sort of federation of bits of Kent, along with pieces of Essex and Surrey.”
Presumably voters in those regions may have something to say about that! Your comments are highly contentious.
“It’s not my fault, the people had a vote. They’re not allowed another. It would endanger democracy.”
But it’s not all bad news. The reduction of three of the four nations of the UK means boom times for cartographers.
“There are still missing details though,” our correspondent adds, “even with the reluctant release of the map. As it’s not listed who gets to be King of Kent in this scenario. Will it be Boris or Nigel or will they agree to share power?”
Let’s hope we never find out.