HAUNTED TOOTHBRUSHES DO NOT HISTORIANS MAKE : Noted British parliamentarian, and feudal nostalgia punk freak, Jacob Rees-mogg, has taken some time out of his busy schedule daydreaming about bringing back serfdom, to (allegedly) speak to LCD Views.
“The English Civil War was a candy floss of confected outrage by Roundheads,” Mr Rees-mogg said, in between googling up Latin phrases, “they had no legitimate reason to be upset by the perfectly normal functioning of entirely representative absolutism, so they confected a big fuss in an attempt to gain popular support and overturn the will of one people.”
But what does he say about the suggestion that it is better for a chamber representing the regions of the country to make decisions on behalf of all, rather than a guy with a fancy hat who thinks God appointed him to rule alone?
“Do you not care for the livelihood of milliners?” Mr Rees-mogg droned, “it’s the mark of sophistication of a country the amount unelected leaders spend on hats. And the less accountable the expense, the better for all.”
And does the haunted toothbrush see any correlation between the English Civil War and the current crisis in British representative parliamentary democracy? In respect of a leader attempting to govern autocratically without reference to the people, or their representatives?
“What crisis? Those who seek to govern without accountability are doing very well indeed,” he smirked, “just so long as we can keep the commoner’s chamber dissolved, we can achieve all our aims at everyone else’s expense. And even if we fail, the mad instability on the exchange markets makes every day a pay day.”
What’s the latin word for suckers?