TIN AND POT : Boris Johnson announced to the country today that as part of ongoing government preparations for crashing out with No Deal Brexit he will begin wearing military uniforms whenever talking to voters, or addressing parliament.
”He hasn’t decided on what rank to give himself,” Mr Cavalier, policy aide to 10 Downing Street told us, “but clearly it’s got to be senior. Once he settles on what kind of general he is then we’ll have a parade.”
Will everyone be invited?
”They already are, whether they like it or not. But he has the overwhelming support of a majority of the British people for this change in style, both dress and management. He’s really just following the instructions of the people.”
I guess he’ll be needing medals too?
”Yes. He’’s now many famous victories defending the motherland. He’s won the war on immigrants, with his senior aide Priti Patel. He triumphed over the poor, with the help of a bus driver’s son. He’s just destroyed a sense of financial security for millions, that was do or die. Imagine the chaos now if Ed Milliband hadn’t fallen into the bacon sandwich trap? And May’s predecessor Corporal Cameron had lost? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Oh, and parliament will now be in permanent recess, as a mark of respect for General Johnson’s wisdom.”
The people had a vote, once, they don’t need another. Long live the general.