The rogue Prime Minister, who is very pro-rogue, has decided to go rogue and prorogue himself. He will go to the Queen and request that he is suspended.
Dangling this carrot in front of the hungry press, Johnson didn’t sugar the pill. “It’s a completely necessary action, I say, oh my goodness, what a palaver,” he wibbled, off the cuff. “The killjoys won’t let me prorogue Parliament, so it comes down to this. Suspend me! String me up! Do or die, or perish in the attempt!
Constitutional experts, and indeed everybody else, agree that this course of action makes no sense. Nobody knows even if prorogueing a person is possible, or advisable. This doesn’t bother Johnson, naturally enough.
“I have to show our so-called friends in the EU that I’m completely serious,” he wiffwaffed, adjusting his Ronald McDonald hat. “Merkel gave me 30 days to solve Ireland, I won’t tell you what Macron said but it wasn’t nice. They are laughing at me, friends. They are actually laughing at me! Serious times need serious measures. I’m not hanging around!”
There is a glimmer of an explanation. Political commentator Deepa Meening gave LCD Views her theory. “This is a strange solution to an even stranger problem,” she summarised. “”The government consists of a team of corporate vultures, with Boris Johnson as its hapless figurehead. The cabinet is a collection of spineless idealogues like Dominic Raab and Priti Patel, all under the same cosh. Anybody else doesn’t count and is rudely ignored. So Johnson IS Parliament, he is the sole representative of the shady conmen, who are all that remain of The People. He has served his purpose, now they want rid of him, so their unprincipled mates like Crispin Odey can cash in on the chaos.”
The coup is very nearly complete. Which will die first – democracy, Parliament or the population of Britain? Exciting times lie ahead…