WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE KIDDING MR JOHNSON IF YOU THINK YOU’VE WON THE BREXIT WAR?
The question is on the minds of many of the EU’s power brokers today after a leak reveals the unrelenting bluff and twaddle from Downing Street has caused Chancellor Merkel to say “Genug”.
While many Tory Brexiters are still holding out for a last minute charge of the light brigade in the form of the German carmakers, it seems the German leader has made her selection from Mr Johnson’s 50/50 “Do or Die?” choice for the UK’s economy.
And she’s not alone. In fact she has twenty six friends to count on versus the UK’s none.
“Bit bloody baffling,” a source close to Mr Johnson’s hairunstyler told LCD Views, “we’re shell shocked, I don’t mind admitting it. The Germans appear ready to take back control of Brexit. But don’t they remember two world wars and one World Cup? Well, two world cups now, although I doubt the Germans paid much attention to the One Day Cricket World Cup, which explains why they did so poorly in it.”
It’s not just team Johnson that are in lockdown today attempting to find a lie to convince the Germans Boris isn’t bluffing, when everyone can see Boris is almost certainly bluffing.
“We don’t have a choice now,” the source revealed, “we’ve either got to try and crash the UK out of the EU before the October 31st deadline, something that our dark money backers will orgasm over, or backdown? I reckon we need to focus on shifting the blame first and foremost. It’s the fault of remoaners. Yeah. Merkel is listening to them and not the party of government.”
As to how the Telegraph will deal with the news, having broken it, our newsroom is certain.
“They’re going to revel in a long overdue No Shit Sherlock award before going back to printing whatever propaganda bollocks Downing Street requests of it.”