TURKISH DELIGHT : The future of British Steel looks secure today after the pension fund of the Turkish military successfully bid to buy the traditional British industry out of insolvency. This follows the completely surprising disinterest in doing so by the Conservative ‘Thatcher reboot’ currently lodged in 10 Downing Street.
“It just shows how easy a free trade deal with Turkey will be,” a David Davis impersonator commented on Twitter, “I mean, they already own British steel and that’s a key industry. What will they shop for next?”
But proper potatriotic, British, Brexit backing asset strippers poured scorn on the Turkish government for the ridiculous timing of their salvation of 5,000 British jobs.
“Amateurs,” Lord Pog of Pogness scoffed, “if they’d waited until the 1st of November then they would have gotten this bastion of British manufacturing a hell of a lot cheaper. Why shell out now? The pound will be at parity with the Turkish lira by November. Amateurs. Don’t they understand what a No Deal Brexit means? A firesafe of British assets. It amazes me really. These foreigners and how little they seem to know about traditional British disaster capitalism.”
And Pog wasn’t the only Brexiter getting into the act. It’s rumoured that Tim Martin is to release a special series of beer soaked infomercials, or beermats, to praise the success of British industry in the Brexit reality.
“A FTA with Turkey will be the easiest in history!” The mats will proclaim, “After all, they already got British Steel for a steal!”
It’s completely puzzling that the British government couldn’t find a spare billion to save a British industry. They’re so readily throwing money at the preparations for the No Deal Brexit they have little intent on seeing through, but it is good the invasion of millions of Turkish lira have saved the jobs of 5,000 people.
Brexit, with any luck, the foreigners the Brexiters insult and treat with disdain, may just ride to the rescue and save us from ourselves…