ABOUT TIME TOO : The United Kingdom has been seen increasingly as a repressive, retrograde, banana republic in recent years, but that’s about to change!
From this Friday the UK is to take part in a limited trial of a new United Nation’s scheme to bring the corporate insanity of hot desking to international governance.
“Theresa May signed the UK up to the trial in the last minutes of her premiership,” UN rapporteur Mr Goode Govern told LCD Views, “and it seems Boris Johnson’s instant clear out of ideologically impure civil servants meant no one told him about it in time to pull out.”
As part of the trial no less than fifty governments around the world will see their top executive figures scramble for the presidency, or premiership, or monarchy of each others’ country as soon as work starts on Friday.
The UK is already slated for the New Zealand premier because organisers of the scheme decided it would be best to rotate a few leaders to start it, lest the collective prove too shy.
“Monday they go again,” the UN figure advised, “although if Ardern enjoyed her long weekend in the UK, you may find she’s at the office early enough to get Downing Street again.”
But supporters of the Johnson government have slammed the trial and threatened to withdraw prematurely. Something Mr Johnson has never before achieved in any endeavour, except ones involving accountability and honesty.
“ Mr Johnson can’t be expected to get out of bed before midday, shower, change, ruffle his hair, boof an unsuspecting posh filly, ruffle his hair some more and get to work early enough to get anything but the least desirable country.”
The UN however is unrepentant.
“We’ve put Donald Trump down to run Saudi Arabia, which should get interesting,” the UN man added, “although we fully expect the Saudis to just dazzle him with that magic light ball they showed him when he visited before. That’s if he gets off the golf course and turns up to work at all.”
How the UK will benefit from having Ms Ardern as prime minister, even temporarily, is apparent.
“After nearly a decade of this toxic regressive Conservatism? Even a long weekend of an actual human in charge of the country will be a tangible relief.”