TRIED IN ABSENTIA : A British man has been ordered to collect an entire country he threw off a white cliff.
The man, described as being “with his trotters up” did not attend the hearing, although as he was tried across social media, he can’t help but have heard it.
”He’s holed up in a garden shed that cost the average annual income. He’s very proud of the shed. Although given the damage he caused to the country when he threw it over the cliff, he should be troubled by regret,” our legal correspondent believes, “at least that’s what I personally believe [see].”
The crime itself has been described in the court of public opinion as a “democratic outrage” and a result “of the lazy idiot’s blithe inattention to the details of the offence [in its planning].”
And making matters worse is the difficulty authorities are having rectifying the matter and repairing the damage.
”Too many have a vested interest in the country being smashed apart at the foot of the cliff. It’s making it hard to tidy up after the fact.”
But in passing sentence the judge presiding over the matter noted how the impact of the crime, which occurred in 2016, was actually a broader conspiracy.
A quick look at parliamentary records shows a select group of MPs encouraging the actual event for many years. And those same MPs are now running the country and the official opposition party.
That aside, the man has been ordered to retrieve the country from the base of the cliff and repair it.
”He won’t though,” the jury in the court of public opinion suspects, “because he’s too irresponsible to attempt to make amends. In fact, after the judgement he went on record to say he has no regrets.”
A very nice state of mind, after the fact, but only if you can afford it.