YOU HAVE ONE JOB : Queen Elizabeth II is being advised to be ready to tell shit Churchill parody act, Boris Johnson, that “leave means leave” sometime in September.
The preparations are a result of the looming constitutional crisis set to involve the Queen.
“It will involve the Queen because Brexiters are that stupid,” one of our dozens of political experts confirmed, “like that eyewateringly stupid that they will drag the aged monarch into it. Because that’s Brexit. There is no boundary that can’t be crossed.”
The dragging is set to occur when Mr Johnson loses a vote of no confidence and an alternative government is formed by a majority of MPs.
“The plan to deal with that is apparently just to ignore it,” our expert shrugs, “Boris is in Downing Street and there’s nothing you can do about it. We really are seeing what take back control of our sovereign parliament means now.”
Quite what the Queen thinks of all this is of course anyone’s guess, as one is famously private.
“She’s choosing wallpaper patterns for a room in the Tower of London,” a palace insider insists, “something mid 17th century seems to be the go. That was the last time a tyrant defied parliament. And we all know how well that went.”
The prospect of a constitutional monarch having to get involved does bring up an interesting historical quirk.
“The descendent of absolute, tyrannical monarchy is now there as the last bulwark against a tyrannical prime minister. It has a nice symmetry.”
Leave means leave has a nice symmetry too. Well it will do when it’s applied to the bumbling front for hard right money interests that’s currently holed up in 10 Downing Street.
Make Britain Great Again…