Dam Busted : Brexit’s false prophet, Boris Johnson, paid a visit to the Whaley Bridge metaphor for Brexit yesterday and pledged to rebuild it.
”Of course we have to wait for the dam to collapse and destroy everything before it first,” Boris ‘you ain’t no Moses bruv’ Johnson reassured residents.
”In the interim, like Joan of Arc unwittingly collecting tinder for a fire, my government pledges a £100m advertising blitzkrieg to convince the good people living in the area of the Toddbrook Reservoir that being deluged under an entirely avoidable catastrophe is worth it. Even if it’s not worth it for them. Stay in your homes. Do not remove your treasure offshore. Those are not the actions of patriots!”
While visiting the scene of the potential disaster Mr Johnson also described the damaged dam as “dodgy but stable”, in an unwitting reference to his own government.
”We will rebuild!” the bouncing, blonde bomb repeated, “and just like disgraced and convicted, now sadly former Tory MP, Chris Davies, we will put up again the same damaged and dodgy structure that’s just been torn down by forces we could not control!”
As a further interim measure, alongside the money to be spent convincing voters that having their homes and livelihoods destroyed is a good thing, Mr Johnson promises further emergency assistance.
”Taking a leaf out of the book of our continental cousins, and as a sign of how my government is only strengthening ties across the English Channel, I will be sending for a Dutch boy to come and stick his finger in the hole in this dyke!”
Thereafter Mr Johnson giggled uncontrollably before being removed to a safe location.