HEAVY FOOTED POUNDING : The United Kingston’s fiat currency, Pound Sterling, has been gagged by Downing Street today to stop news of its continued unpatriotic slide.
”It’s a bloody remonaner,” a newly appointed treasury official commented IN DISGUST, “it’s been told to be more dollar and to shut up!”
But although the gagging order effectively prevents the currency talking to news media, it seems not everyone has got the memo.
”A penny must be leaking it to the markets,” the official, whose last job was coordinating carpet bagging strategies for Vote Gammon added, “a bad penny. An unpatriotic BAD PENNY GLOOMSAYING AMD TALKING GLOBAL BRITONS DOWN.”
And while the swift action of the new administration in Downing Street may at least squeeze the squeeze on sterling and buffer the buffeting, it seems international investors are still choosing to put their money elsewhere. Such as the currencies of countries that have not gone completely insane.
”It’s good for exporters,” the official explained, “it means they can pay more for the components they import and charge more when they export. They’re getting richer. We’re all getting richer. You now need to take more pounds with you when you go on holiday. Which means you have more pounds. It’s not just the disaster capitalists organising all these with their useful idiot frontmen in politics that are GETTING EVEN RICHER.”
But pressured to explain why he has gagged the currency, prime minister Boris Johnson sought to divert attention away from the topic.
”Who doesn’t like a good, strong powerful pound? What ho!” before rushing out the back door in search of a front door to rush into.