THE NAVIGATOR : The British Foreign and Commonwealth Secretary, Dominic “the domino” Raab, risks upsetting an eager Commonwealth today after he announced his intention to seek swift FTA’s with alternative places first, post Brexit.
”They’re gagging for it anyway,” Dominic Raab smugly smiled, appearing before the Exiting the EU parliamentary committee this lunch time, “they’ve already whipped their knickers off after seeing my unblinking demeaning demeanour. We can hit other hot spots first. Laurasia. Does the European Union trade with them? Or do they slap them with pernicious tariffs in a protectionist racket designed to keep the single market single? Well, I say it should be polyamorous. And that’s what Brexit Britain will be.”
After this outburst, Raab’s pulsating vein of a brain had more to say, but this time more relaxed, almost dreamlike.
”You know before I studied the map that someone in my department pinned to the wall, next to the portrait of me,” Dominic “uncharted territories” Raab revealed, “I hadn’t quite fully appreciated that America and Africa were joined in one land mass. This will makes sorting out FTA’s much easier. We can just walk from one to the other.”
Other surprises were also related.
”We have no intention of putting a customs border down the Pangea Sea,” he asserted, “if that happens that will be the fault of the EU and its bullying intransigence.”
Then he wrapped it up with what seemed a repetition of his earlier questions about Laurasia.
”Seriously, what tariffs does the EU impose on Laurasia?” he asked, still throbbing at the temples, “I’d like to know. I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.”