READILY DISPOSABLE COMMODITY : A Brexit solution trial run, conducted over the weekend in the Brecon Beacons, has been hailed as a roaring success.
“A team from the University of Rocket Sciences and Brain surgeries wanted to see what would be the best way to solve that now age old problem of Brexit,” our hedge correspondent reports, “attacking it with logic proved largely pointless. So too appeals to the angels of Brexiters better nature, largely because they were found not to have any angels. So in the end the team decided to treat Brexit like the trash it is and just discard it in a hedge.”
And how did that work out?
”It was a complete success. The team dusted off their hands and walked away. In minutes even those in the group who had voted Leave had completely forgotten about it.”
So that’s Brexit solved then?
”Yes. The hedge has been cordoned off in case Brexit becomes toxic as it decays, but that is just a precaution. No one now can remember the exact hedge on the A…A4….well, the A road that was chosen for the experiment.”
Does this mean that Article 50 has now been revoked?
”That’s the only catch. The team demonstrated how easy it is to get rid of one particular Brexit. But, and this is the snag, there are so very many of them. For this solution to be nationwide extra hedges will have to be grown, right across the UK. Although predominantly in England.”
Isn’t there a way to speed the process up?
”Yes. You’ve already mentioned it. Revoke Article 50. Then instead of spending £100 million attempting to baffle and bullshit people into going to No Deal Brexit like lambs to the slaughter, the money could be spent on the NHS…”