RED WHITE AND BLUE SAUCE : Brexit Party (it’s a company, not a party) CEO Nigel Farage has hit back this morning over reports of mass cannibalism on a stranded and abandoned Brexit Party campaign bus on the A470 in the Brecon Beacons.
https://twitter.com/sue_charles/status/1155253400398979072?s=21
“Total exaggeration,” he told two men and a dead dog, when they phoned in his propaganda broadcast on LBC, “how could it have been mass cannibalism? The last person left alive couldn’t have eaten themselves!”
The bus was touring the area ahead of the looming by election, after some convicted Tory criminal was forced to stand down, only to be stood up again by the Tory Party (making Britain great again by abandoning all pretence to standards in public life).
Mr Farage’s bus was in the area with a meat megaphone and a promise to rename the Brecon Beacons the Breakfast Bacons if they are successful in having an MP elected. They won’t be.
But pushed to provide more details about the reports of cannibalism by the dead dog, Mr Farage admitted there was some small scale consumption of human flesh.
”Now, now, I want to make this absolutely clear. The driver may, may have been an Orc and hungry for manflesh,” he admitted, “and after we couldn’t be bothered to rescue the bus and the suckers aboard he may, may just have decided to eat the passengers. But this is not cannibalism. Because the driver was an orc.”
The location of the orc is yet to be determined, but it’s assumed to be wiping its mouth on a Union Jack as we go to print, which is the other end of the body to that which Mr Farage’s useful idiots usually use.