BYE BYE BORISTANNIA : Scotland has this afternoon begun construction on a fifteen mile border wall from Berwick to Gretna Green, and the EU has agreed to pay for it.
Plans for the border wall were drawn up some weeks back.
”As soon as the Conservative Party in England announced its intention to hold a sham leadership election, just to give a barely plausible credibility to Boris Johnson entering Downing Street, we got out the drawing board,” Professor Bobby Bruise told LCD Views, “it was a pretty straightforward issue. If England is determined to sink under the weight of a Trump tribute act, that’s their choice. It’s not our choice now. Now it’s a declaration of universal independence. And a bloody great wall to prove it.”
Funding for the project has been provided by the EU’s regional development fund. This has been described by Michel Barnier as “well worth it” and “the German carmakers actually demanded it”.
It’s not entirely certain how the new Johnson administration will react to the construction of the wall. Mark Francois, widely tipped to take over as Secretary of Defence, will presumably decide to build a giant rabbit in the hope of getting through it.
”We’ve thought of that,” Professor Bruise said, “we’ve arranged to have giant speakers erected across the street from 10 Downing Street. Benny Hill music is going to be played 24/7 at eleven. Mr Boris will be too busy running around half naked. He has a Pavlov’s dog style reaction to the music.”
Completion of the wall is expected by the end of October 31st this year, just in time for English refugees from Boristannia to queue up on the English side and request access.