LEAPING BEFORE BEING PUSHED : The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have resigned from government today, saying they won’t serve under Boris Johnson should he become PM, as widely expected.
The collective issued a joint statement, to no one’s surprise, asserting that they were already exhausted by three years of the May premiership, backed onto the years 2010 – 2016, and they simply couldn’t fathom serving under the bungling clown act that is to follow.
“Look, just look at the work I’ve done in the food bank sector already,” Famine stated, “it’s booming. I’ve worked my fingers to the bone. I think a change at the top is a good time to move on to greener pastures.”
And Famine wasn’t alone. Death said the DWP had exhausted it and it was going to take a sabbatical and pursue its hobby of people dying in showering accidents, although it is widely expected to be lobbied hard to return should Mr Johnson pursue a No Deal Brexit.
Plague was similarly unenthusiastic about the change in regime, saying “I’m already on everyone’s houses. What more can I do? Double down? Plague means plague and I’ve made a success of it.”
As to War, he is expected to stick about and continue to work for free as a Minister of Every Portfolio, once Mr Johnson needs a big enough distraction to avert attention away from the build up to revoking Article 50.
An aide to Mr Johnson was non-plussed, pointing to widely trailed media rumours that IDS, Rees-mogg, Raab and Patel were going to return to government, so the famous four horsemen would not be missed and continuity of their work assured.