Unelected Brexit Party CEO and fully paid up Trumpian arse licker Nigel Farage has been playing with FaceApp. The app revealed the face of Russian bad boy Vladimir Putin.
“There must be some mistake,” coughed Farage, puffing on an EU-funded cigar. “It’s supposed to make you look older, like the portrait in my attic, not make me look like a baby-faced assassin!”
LCD Views’ Technology correspondent, Val Vamp, went to discuss the app with Farage.
“It doesn’t make me any older,” wheezed Farage irritably, blowing out expensive smoke.
“Putin is twelve years older than you,” Vamp pointed out. “Some people retain their youthful good looks. Now let’s have a look at your settings!”
Vamp fiddled with Farage’s phone for a few minutes, then looked up with a satisfied expression.
“Found it!” she said. “Don’t go into Settings, that’s useless. Instead choose the My FaceApp menu, the Applications sub-menu, then Processes, then Options, then… are you following this?”
“What? No,” admitted Farage. “I’m not interested in the details, I just want a quick and easy fix!”
“OK then, well here’s your problem,” said Vamp. “There’s a menu called Mask, and it had defaulted to showing you who is behind your public face. It is a simple algorithm that detects your social media activity.”
“Can you explain that in terms so simple that the average Brexiter could understand it?” asked Farage.
“It makes you look like your best mate,” said Vamp.
“Why does it do that?” said Farage. “Is it because of the EU?”
“Of course it is!” replied Vamp. “The EUParl_Free_WiFi makes it happen to prevent the app from harvesting your data. Look at what happens when I use it!”
FaceApp showed her a ginger cat. “And my data is safe!”
“Vladimir has my data anyway,” grumbled Farage.
Beware FaceApp. There is likely to be a general election in the offing, and it will start showing every man, woman and child the prematurely aged face of Nigel Farage.