BREXIT WILL EAT BORIS JOHNSON WHOLE AND SHIT HIM OUT IN DRY PIECES : Democracy in the U.K. is in intensive care at the moment, but it’s not dead and may not even be in total coma.
The encouraging news comes after the House of Commons passed a key Lords amendment to a NI bill earlier, making Boris Johnson’s suspected plan to go rogue and prorogue parliament (to force through a No Deal Brexit) much, much harder.
“Even the usual Lexit Labour rebels, who should probably piss off and join the Tories, couldn’t save the next prime minister’s skin this time,” our Westminster watcher reports, “this is because there were so many Tory ones starting to freak about how much batshit insanity is going to be attached to their legacy.”
(*image courtesy of Jim Pickard’s Twitter feed @PickardJE)
But of course the real winner from today’s votes in the House of Commons is Brexit. We decided to talk to Brexit to see how it is feeling.
”I’m speeding up my work,” Brexit told us, busy with the length of rusting steel cable it uses as dental floss, “here, hang on, Theresa May’s thigh bone is stuck between my molars. Give’s a sec.”
We waited while Brexit scraped the brittle bone from between its fangs. We waited longer still while it first inspected the wreckage of the outgoing prime minister and then slowly ground down the bone.
”I’m so keen to devour my third Tory prime minister in a row that I’ve started on Boris Johnson before he’s even prime minister. He’s already charred his buttocks with his endless pants fires for me. I’m going to splash on some Tabasco and get stuck in for dinner.”
In a world where liars are ruling too many domains and the U.K. looks set to have its only Trump style evil clown installed as prime minister, it’s encouraging to know that Brexit, helped by some MPs, is wetting it lips and waiting for breakfast.