ALGORITHM OF PAIN : The British Government has announced the launch of a taxpayer funded, video streaming service today. Brexflix, which will only be showing videos of British people punching themselves in the face. It will go live at 12:00 CET tonight.
”It’s a tangible Brexit dividend,” our Westminster source said, “patriotic British people uploading photos of themselves punching themselves in the face. It proves we can pull together and get through Brexit. And now it’s over, how we feel about what we’ve won.”
The content will be entirely provided by potatriots and it’s expected the content will be endless.
”But don’t just settle for curling your fist and bopping yourself on the nose,” the source says, “get inventive. Wear a glove. Put on some knuckledusters. Hold your car keys while you do it. Perhaps even put on a French or German accent! We all know who is to blame for Brexit.”
Once the channel has been successfully launched it’s hoped the content will be as varied as the British political climate’s appetite for self harm.
”Make your hand into the shape of a pistol and pretend to blow off your foot,” the source encourages, “then pretend to shoot yourself in the other foot. Maybe the knees? It’s a hoot. That’s Brexit.”
The morale boosting service won’t contain advertising, which is great.
”This is because you’re already paying to fund it with your tax money. Every single penny is being spent on Brexit. That’s so patriotic.”
Other variations are to be encouraged too.
”Why not cut your nose off?” the source urges, “that’ll really teach your face not to mess with the will of the people.”
Brexit. Let’s make a success of it. And with the launch of Brexflix, we can show the whole world how to do it.