LCD Views have had the privilege of an audience with Mystic Martin who looked into the future, and saw that Brexit, the great issue of our day, had been cancelled eventually.
The details of how that happened can be found elsewhere , but our tale is concerned with the visit of our reporter to see the ghost of Brexit.
Our reporter Alice went down to Blunderworld, the Dustbin of History, where everything that ever happened is eventually consigned.
She had to cross the river of Leaver Lies on a boat rowed by Karen the Careworn Couldn’t Care Less ferry person, who had previously played a part in the ferry services involved in Brexit. And she had the terms and conditions of her contract borrowed from a pizza firm to prove it.
“You must pay me the fee for rowing you to Blunderland” croaked Karen.
“What’s that?” asked Alice, hoping there wouldn’t be a scandal if she claimed this on expenses. “It’s one eu-row” laughed Karen.
On the other side Alice found a bus waiting for her, driven by Brexy who was an On the Buses Inspector.
There was no writing on the bus and Alice asked where the 350 million for the NHS was?
“You can’t put that on the side of a bus” snorted Brexy, “we’d be up before the ECJ before you could say Tommy Robinson, or whatever his name is!”
Alice was dropped off by a lake, which was beer not water, and had tobacco fumes rising from it, from somewhere in the middle. There, just about visible was a little island on which sat a creature with bulbous eyes, playing with some fish, puffing on a cigarette and muttering “Precious, where did you go?”
“That’s Nigel Bollux , the ghost of Brexit” said Brexy.
There was another figure on the island which Brexy explained was a female called Helen Een, who had met Bollux on the night that Brexit was due to happen. It was only fitting that they should be together to keep each other company.
Having seen what she came to see, Alice returned, heartily relieved that Brexit was safely binned and that it wasn’t coming back, unless of course it escaped and came back to trouble us again. She also hoped that she’d get a good exchange rate for her eu-row when she claimed her expenses.