KNEE MOSELEY : THE GOVERNMENT is launching a new initiative to help make a success of Brexit. The scheme will see everyone eligible to vote in the UK choose a new name flavoured by Global Britain.
“We calling it ‘Choose Your Brexit Name’,” a spokesman at DExEU told LCD Views, “we don’t have a lot to do at the ministry for Exiting the European Union In As Shambolically A Way As Possible now, so we’ve decided to help with the country’s morale.”
The drive to rename everyone in the country was inspired by the social media fad of ‘porn names’, and by a pair of well known Conservative MPs who had a baby and called it Brexit.
“Porn name jokes are all very well,” the spokesman continued, “but it’s not very British. At least, not the modern Britain, governed by idiots, that we all know and love.”
The formula for choosing your new Brexit Name is miraculously simple. So simple anyone can do it.
“Of course if you choose not to select your new Brexit name, to help make a success of Brexit,” the spokesman warned, “as soon as either Jeremy Hunt or Boris Johnson begins the drive to crash the country out of the EU by the end of October, well at that stage the government will choose a name for you. This will be done at random with a computer algorithm.”
But what’s the formula to choose your Brexit name voluntarily?
“It’s very easy,” the spokesman said, “my Brexit Name is Ear Mussolini. In fact it’s my real name now. I’ve changed it legally. But don’t worry if you don’t do that. Once the government chooses your Brexit name for you they’ll change it for you too. And give you a new blue passport.”
But what’s the formula?
“You simply take the first body part you punched yourself in and your favourite WW2 leader. It couldn’t be simpler.”
Choose your Brexit Name today, or somewhere a computer will do it for you.