Brexit Party MEPs have symbolically rejected the EU and all it stands for. But they are more than happy to pocket its money.
Farage’s mob are so anti EU that they campaign for election to the European parliament. They reject its version of democracy by turning up to work. They are so principled that they refuse to turn down any sort of remuneration.
So why turn up at all if you are just going to act in such a childish fashion?
“I turned my back to salute the French,” said new Brexit Party MEP Dave Fuller-Bull. “I’ve seen that documentary, where King Arthur is prevented from finding the Holy Grail by the French. I was turning to fart in their general direction.”
Yet you still take their money.
“Expenses means expenses!” he said. “It took me literally several days to even work out where Strasbourg is. I need compensation for the EU imposing such a useless education system in us. It’s their fault I skived off geography!”
Fuller-Bull was upset when he finally discovered that Strasbourg was in France.
“France is where you go on holiday!” he declared. “So even if I get there, I’m not doing any work. Instead I’ll play Candy Crush on this nice new iPad they gave me.”
He still expects to be paid in full for the work he isn’t doing. “I am going to milk this gravy train for all it’s worth,” he said. “I’m bringing home the bacon!”
He reiterates his antipathy to all things European. “I was in the subsidised EU bar, having a nice English Peroni, when this Guy came up to talk to me,” he recalled. “He reeked of garlic, probably, and spoke in a foreign accent. I said to him, WE WANT TO LEAVE, SIMPLES, GOT THAT YET? until he shut up and went away. Job done!”
So he doesn’t need to actually show up ever again. But he will happily take the money.