GREAT GIANT PANTS FIRE BATMAN : Astronauts manning the International Space Station have released photos today to verify their claim the Tory leadership race is visible from space.
”While it appears to be just a single pair of flaming buttocks,” Doctor Astro Nought explained, “it’s in reality a massive conflagration. What you can see is Brexit, Boris Johnson’s never ending pants fire and Jeremy Hunt’s claim to have a heart.”
The fire itself has been burning since the 23rd June 2016, but over recent months has grown in strength and size as it consumes all available oxygen in the United Kingdom.
”It’s not exactly clear if the United Kingdom still exists,” Doctor Astro continued, “it’s somewhere in the ring of fire, between the two cheeks, but we haven’t had a clean image of the country since David Cameron resigned and Theresa May took his place as the big Brexit patsy.”
And the future of space photography of Blighty currently looks even more doubtful.
”The sheer volume of lies being uttered daily by any Brexit, and Lexit, promoting politician means that more and more pant’s fires are joining into the great big one that Boris Johnson sustains, much in the manner of a human candle.”
The scientists are aware they may face some blowback from pro-Brexit forces for releasing the photos, but they’ve done so in the public interest.
”What are they going to tell us to do? Leave and leave now? We’re already in space. This is the situation as visible from beyond the U.K. It’s what they claim to want. They have to deal with it. We just hope the fire can be contained before both cheeks explode like volcanoes.”