CALLS FOR HELP HEARD : The world famous team at International Rescue claim they have located an entire country down a giant rabbit hole.
Shortly before 6am this morning, it is reported, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward was driving her six wheeled Rolls Royce to the only off licence open early in her neighbourhood that sells tea, when she heard the call for help.
She initially attempted to contact Brains, but discovered he is no longer in the United Kingdom, having left it upon the decision to Brexit.
“I next sent a text to John Tracy, but he also failed to answer. I believe he was orbiting over the Atlantic at the time. He was almost certainly stoned, with his headphones on listening to David Bowie,” Lady Penelope wrote in her regular blogpost, “happily I was able to contact Virgil, because he isn’t a waster.”
The pair located the source of the call for help together and are at this moment attempting to round up the rest of the International Rescue crew to agree on a plan of action.
“The country is down a rabbit hole,” Lady Penelope continues, “and it’s a deep one. I suspect it has actually progressed to being a sinkhole now, when you consider who the next leader is expected to be. The call for assistance is repetitive though, in spite of this, just hard to discern at times over the jingoistic bombast that is also being broadcast.”
It’s believed Jeff Tracy himself will have to coordinate any rescue attempt, but some complications are suspected, as he was recently seen at a Brexit Party rally.
“The country almost certainly has the capacity to rescue itself,” Lady Penelope added, “but in order to get out of the rabbit hole certain leading individuals will have to stop blinking at the headlights of oncoming disaster and act quickly.”
The country is thought to be the United Kingdom. Portions of it are expected to emerge intact whatever International Rescue do. But the rescue itself is apparently complicated by other individuals down the hole who believe digging deeper is the only way to get out.
“All they really need to do to get out is turn around and go back the way they came,” Lady Penelope shrugs, “oh and start holding public inquiries into the massive amount of corruption, lawbreaking, electoral crime and political bollocks that saw them go down the hole to begin with.”