Latest polls about the Tory leadership reveal the startling truth that an empty chair is now the most popular candidate. The most literally vacant option for the vacancy is polling at 52%, ahead of pretty boy Boris and pretty vacant Hunt.
It’s a case of a Brexit slant on an old tale. If the polls are correct, then the next Prime Minister will be the Emperor’s New Candidate.
“It’s a no-brainer,” opined Tory stalwart Rich Old-White. “Boris is a spoilt sixteen year old pretending to be a middle-aged man. Hunt is just unspeakably dire. An empty chair is a safe pair of hands.”
But it’s a complete absence. A void. The Tory leadership has gone AWOL.
“Fine by me,” says Old-White. “I would sooner listen to the sound of silence than May’s deranged squawk, Johnson’s charming drivel or Hunt’s arrogant idiocy.”
But how could an empty chair represent Britain on the international stage?
“By sheer force of personality,” replied Old-White. “Absence has real presence! Sending an empty chair to Brussels sends a clear message that the UK wants out, and wants out now. Not only will we stop at nothing, we will settle for nothing less than we have now, and show the world that no leader is better than a bad leader! Nothing is better than our current deal, so we want nothing! Nothing could be clearer!”
It seems as clear as mud to the rest of us.
“Nonsense, you just have to believe more,” responded Old-White. “A leadership contest? Endless power struggles? Johnson? Hunt? Nothing is better for Britain!”
Empty head, empty vessel, or empty chair? That is the choice that Old-White and his fellow Tories must make. Both physical candidates are current or former Foreign Secretaries. From FO sweet FA.
Clearly, for loyal Tories, absence makes the heart grow fonder.