ALL MESSED UP : Boris Johnson has hit back at criticism today that he doesn’t bother his pretty little head with the details of the subjects he talks about, in particular the most pressing one, Brexit.
“As Jupiter perpetually studying my Uranus,” Boris told the BBC, “I take the greatest, just the most severe care, to appreciate every wrinkle, every pinch point, all the multifaceted facets of the great circle of creation that is both my anus, where I keep my head, and Brexit.”
But pressed on the matter by a reluctant BBC interviewer, he was forced to underline his commitment to understanding his briefs.
“And let me say it’s not just my own briefs I take great pleasure in understanding. I also strain every sinew, every tendon, every limb and muscle to understanding how to get the briefs off any passing filly that catches my eye. To accuse me of lacking seriousness is to fail to appreciate the sheer volume of energy, of vim and verve I put into myself and my public image.”
And with that he found the clinching argument.
“The great British people just have to look at me jogging to see that the fitness of my character matches my physical fitness,” he finished, “and let me tell you, when I look in the mirror, constantly, I see a man who spares not the horses. I see a man who puts as much effort into details of his own hairstyling as he does into understanding the finer points of Brexit.”