IT’S NOT ABOUT THE BELLY : Great news that the Tories have whittled down their leadership race to a choice of two middle aged, wealthy, white men to exactly mirror the majority of their membership. Then approximately 0.2% of the population gets to vote on who will be the next prime minister. Democracy, innit! Taking back control from the plebs!
Still, the race itself started with diversity, an unprecedented number of Jeremy Hunts, from varying backgrounds (mostly varied by the degree of obscurity they hailed from), threw their hats into the ring.
The Tories were up to the challenge though and have successfully selected the two biggest Jeremy’s to fight for the chance to finally kick the country right in the Jeremy Hunt.
This will be done by obliterating the NHS, our international reputation, economy, liberties and if they get really lucky, they’ll get to frack what’s left of the environment.
It’s a startling contest and you’re the prize!
One of the Jeremy Hunts appears to be more clownish than the other, but underneath the bumbling exterior is an overtly racist Jeremy.
Another of the Jeremy’s is married to a foreigner from either Japan or China, depending on whether you ask Jeremy Hunt, or her.
Whereas The other Jeremy has an unknown and apparently unspeakable amount of little Jeremy’s running about. Whether he’s lost count or doesn’t care to count, who can say? It’s not really your business how many illegitimate children the next prime minister has fathered. Well, fathered in the sense of sperm donation.
None of this is very helpful. People who have chosen to write on the subject are aware there are only so many times you can use Jeremy Hunt before it becomes offensive. And it already is.
But now, with one Jeremy having a name that’s an American euphemism for a cock, and the other Hunt being rhyming slang for a traditional British insult, we feel a little overwhelmed by Jeremy Hunt’s ourselves, and none of them of the natural kind.
So let’s all grow up together and take the contest as seriously as the biggest Hunt in it is likely to do. So, not very seriously at all. Good luck. We’re all going to need it, as the biggest of the two Hunts looks certain to win.