At last, a real Brexit dividend. Manufacturers of popcorn are backing Boris ‘Fuck Business’ Johnson, seeking a boost in sales.
The probable next PM, Boris Johnson is likely to allow this country to fall into dereliction. However, observers will enjoy watching the spectacle while tucking into a tasty snack. Great theatre, dreadful politics.
You can picture the scene. Boris turns up to an important summit, 15 minutes late and completely unprepared. Half an hour of good-natured waffle (including a hilarious anecdote about Theresa May and a sausage roll) later, and nothing will have been achieved, but everyone will be in his power. Global Britain reduced to an admittedly well honed comedy act.
It is our duty to watch the compelling spectacle unfold with equal measures of laughter, horror and popcorn.
“It’s a golden opportunity,” remarks SuperPop! CEO, Carrie-Mel Flava. “We are taking on staff and opening premises across the country in anticipation. We have taken £350m in orders in one week for the new Westminster branch alone.”
Flava has put a complete range of Brexit popcorns on the market. For example, Strong And SuperPop!, which disintegrates under the slightest pressure. Then there’s Sunlit Uplands, which contains a few sad grains of corn to pop yourself. Finally, there is the Brexit Dividend, which is an enormous bag containing an IOU.
Hollywood is already in London, filming location shots for The Brexit Movie. We are anticipating a spectacular high budget disaster film, starring Tom Hanks as Boris Johnson.
“We are aiming British themed popcorn at the American market,” says Flava. “There won’t be any cinemas left in the UK after we crash out, but the Americans love the 51st State and its people. We are already trialling some cool new varieties. Nice Cup Of Tea flavour popcorn, Sweet Nostalgia flavour, and Bitter Disappointment.”
Boris will be bad for Britain, but great for sales of popcorn. And we have a ringside seat!