RED, WHITE AND BLUE BREXIT : So called President of the United States, Donald Trump, has made a late entry into the Tory leadership contest today with a single tweet.
At a little after 5am this morning, as POTUS began his ritual ‘executive time’ on the White House toilet, he fired off the tweet that sent shockwaves through the governing Conservative Party.
“Before the tweet an empty chair was the most popular to takeover when Theresa May’s cold hands are prized off the keys to Downing Street,” our transatlantic correspondent corresponded, “then Boris Johnson, then Jeremy Who Rhymes and after that just fcuk knows. But with his actions on the famous social media site Donald Trump is now the clear favourite.”
Queries about the legality of Trump entering the race to be the UK’s next PM have been brushed aside because the law doesn’t matter anymore in the UK or the USA.
“It’s a smart play,” our analyst continues, “he waited for some of the obvious losers to eliminate themselves before throwing his hat into the ring. There’s little that stands in his way now from entering Downing Street except common sense. So nothing really, as the UK abandoned any pretence to being sensible when the Tories were re-elected to govern on their own in 2015.”
Trump’s ascendancy to the top job in British politics offers continuity in government too, as one of the primary drivers of the executive since 2015 has been to make US billionaires happy.
“It really just cuts out the middle man too,” our analyst observed, “if any Brexit does occur the UK will be run entirely from the White House anyway.”