I LOVE THE SMELL OF DOM-INATION IN THE MORNING : Dominic Raab is searching for the mole in his tightly knit campaign team this morning after his plan for managing a No Deal Brexit was leaked to the press.
”He’s so mad he’s got lockjaw,” an aide to Raging Raab told us on the condition we don’t print it, “he normally does of course. He sees another dog near one of his bones or chew toys and he’s clamped onto it harder than Farage with a dodgy expense claim.”
Quite how the mole was able to get the plan outside of the Rabid Raab wolf den is open to speculation, with many believing it wasn’t possible to leak Rancid Raab’s inner thoughts, purely because there aren’t any.
”It’s especially grating,” the aide added, “as Raab the Rinser had only just settled on ‘I love the smell of napalm in the morning’ as the way to avoid truck tailbacks in Kent,
”He had to develop the new plan after Boris Johnson’s blank notepad plan was published. This was coincidentally so similar to Righteous Raab’s own plan that he was determined to come up with something new, something Boris would never dream of.”
The belief that napalming the counties to deal with a No Deal Brexit is not one Boris would choose is credible.
”We reckon Boris would order everyone to put on a blonde wig and shag,” the aide mused, “he won’t use a mixture of petrol and detergents. He only likes the smell of flirtations with fascism and racist dog whistles for personal advancement. Morning. Afternoon. And evening. Although it’s fair to speculate he’d also play Wagner while he was at it.”