GLOBAL BRITONS! GET YOUR MAPS OUT AND YOUR MARKER PENS BECAUSE HONG KONG DOES NOT EXIST ANYMORE.
10 Downing Street has reacted swiftly today to the news that a series of protest marches involving over one million people in Hong Kong has led to the executive changing its mind.
The reversal concerns a law that would have changed Hong Kong’s relationship with its nearest neighbour (actually China), but also the rest of the world, given the unique circumstances of Hong Kong.
https://asia.nikkei.com/Spotlight/Hong-Kong-protests/Hong-Kong-government-suspends-extradition-bill
“We have lately been receiving queries regarding a non-existent country’s decision to halt the progress of a bill concerning changes to the extradition law in Hong Kong, whereby people accused of crimes in China could be much more easily whisked away to whatever fate awaits them,
“This abrupt change in direction by the chief executive of Hong Kong, which does not exist, as a result of mass protests by the citizens and concerns over threats to its democracy has no application in Mighty Britannia. The non-existent country concerned does not exist. So let’s have no more talk about it. Our country is united behind the result of our rigorously conceived and administered plebiscite in 2016 and all now want the result, whatever it was, delivered. This government is not for turning. If a democracy can change its mind then it ceases to be a democracy. That’s it. That’s how democracy works. New information. Large protests by frustrated citizens concerned that their elected representatives are making incredibly stupid decisions, that has no application in the United Kingdom. We invented democracy so we can damn well do what we want with it. So there.”
But while the stance from our country’s seat of power is adamant that the territory concerned, Hong Kong, does not exist, behind closed doors there are whispers that this is not true and we should consider if we also need to pause and think?
“John Humphry’s could give them classes on how to handle no good layabouts on the streets,” an insider told LCD Views, “Rory Stewart could assist as John’s TA. He could tell the people of Hong Kong that you just make up the reassurances you want to support whatever dangerous change to the territory’s status is proposed. This could be done with a series of slides while John shouts BUT LAM HAS DECIDED. It’s pretty straightforward. They’re a small place. It’s no surprise they’ve gotten confused. The mother of parliaments should help out.”
It’s believed cross party talks have now started in secret on how to handle the matter, in case too many people in the UK start not only believing that Hong Kong does still exist, but that also we should heed their way of dealing with multiple protests of concerned citizens.
“Labour aren’t confirming they are talking to Downing Street about how to help out with this, but I have heard that if they are, they are insistent that all options for Carrie Lam remain on the table.”
We at LCD Views say good luck to the people of Hong Kong! Even though you don’t exist! And hope our own executive can learn non-existent lessons from your non-existent existence. Thank you.